I grew up having so many groups of friends. There was the cross country friends, the gymnastics friends, the track friends, the church friends, the school friends, the ASB friends, and the list goes on. It was easy to have friends. Friends were just the people you were around that were kind of like you and you mostly liked hanging around them too, so you did just that. Then you go to college and it’s pretty much more of the same. Making and keeping friends was an easy cool breeze on a hot summer day.
Then you graduate and you head out to the real world. Hello jobs, bills, the ability to vote, and wrinkles on your forehead that don’t go away with a good night of sleep.
Adulting is hard. As in adult friendships. They don’t come as easy and they don’t stay easy. They take work and intention. I thought I was the only one feeling this way, but the more I talk to people about this, they feel it too. (Can you believe there are dating type apps to make friends? Sign me up!)
As I’m fumbling through this adult friendships jungle, here’s what I’m finding:
- Friendships have seasons.
Don’t force the friendships that used to be to stay in this adult journey. Some just meet that time when it’s time to let them go. Put in effort and if it’s just not working, move on. Your people are out there.
2. Look at yourself.
When I wanted more friends, I started looking at me. Am I reliable, present, a listener? Do I respond to them when needed? Do I do more then quick texts? Do I at least call them for their birthday instead of a quick facebook post? If not, have some intention.
3. Join things. Talk to your neighbors. Look up.
Go join a dance class, a bible study, a macrame class, or whatever floats your boat. Maybe you will find your people there again. Your neighbors can be cool. Spark a conversation. Look up from your phone when you walk places, when you’re in the waiting room, or sitting in coffee shops. Everyone wants their people. Be available, even if it feels a little awkward.
I realized there are some friends to not cling to what used to be and there are people that I can open up to and we have so much in common. In the last year, I haven’t become the most popular person with this tribe behind me, but I meet more people. I have intention and I keep putting myself out there. (Why does this just feel like dating?). They don’t have to have the same interests as you, be in the same phase of life as you (I have mom friends who are just as cool when having kids). I have made one amazing friend and have leaned into people I have known a while and realized they’re good friends. Moral of the story, we were made to be with people. Celebrate with people. Laugh with people. Cry with people. So go out, and find your people because adulting just ain’t easy my friends and you need someone who’s got your back.
Let me know if adult friends seems hard to you too! haha